The Most Retarded Day Ever
by Return From the Ashes
Summary: Mario goes on an adventure with Bowser, and things get well, random...


**Autor's Note:** Wow, I finally uploaded a story after two years. Don't worry, it didn't take me that long to write this. Anyway, this was supposed to be a story for www . lemmykoopa . com but I never submitted it, and I just thought since I'd be getting back into writing I'll post this. Please do not give me crap about how stupid it is or if you don't like how I'm treating Mario, that's just the writing style of everyone on that website. So if you don't understand something I suggest you go to the site and look up some stories, cause they're really funny. Ok on with the story!

**The Most Retarded Day Ever**

One day, Mario went on a long journey. It all started when Mario ate some cheese.

Mario: Mamma mia! I'm-a out of cheese!

Luigi: Shut up Mario, you have to go save Peach today!

Mario: Ooooo, what did Bowser do this time?

Luigi: I don't know, you're the hero, YOU figure it out!

Mario: Whatever, just leave my cheese alone you moron!

Luigi: I don't have your cheese, stupid.

As Mario went out the door, Luigi called a therapist.

Mario made his way to the Dark Lands. But on the way he ran into a toad.

Toad: Hey Mario! What are you up to today?

Mario: Oh, hey Toad, do you know what the specialty cheese is today?

Toad: I heard it was mozzarella, you're favorite!

Mario: Mamma mia! I have to get there before it runs out! Oh yeah, and Luigi said that Bowser is coming to chop off your heads and eat your flesh! Tell everyone!

Every Toad in earshot: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Mario: Just make sure to leave my cheese where I can find it!

Knowing his work there was done, Mario then skipped to the cheese store. He bought all of the mozzarella cheese, ate it all in one bite, and skipped to Bowser's castle.

When Mario arrived at Bowser's castle, he saw Bowser outside while he was getting his mail.

Bowser: Mario! What are you doing here? I didn't have any battles planned for today, I was just going to relax.

Mario: Don't give me that crap Bowser! You try to kidnap Peach everyday and I – hey! What-a is-a this?

Mario snatched a letter from Bowser that he got in his mail. It said:

Dear King Bowser,

You are invited to our annual pie festival here in the Pie Kingdom. Bring whoever you'd like. If you accept this invitation, you will receive a free cheesecake. We hope to see you there.

Sincerely,

King Pie

Mario: Free cheesecake! I-a want-a some!

Bowser: This is a scam! There's no kingdom called the Pie Kingdom!

Mario: No Bowser! We are-a going! There is-a cheese!

Bowser: Shut up about your freakin cheese moron! I don't have time for this! I have to come up with a plan to destroy you!

Mario: Hey Bowser, have you-a met my cheese Tom? Say hi to Tom, Bowser!

Bowser: Will you leave me alone? Can't you see I'm busy ignoring you?

Mario: Bowser! You are-a hurting Tom's feelings! He's-a very sensitive!

Bowser: Are you alright? Seriously, every time I talk to you my brain starts to melt-

Mario: -Like-a cheese? I-a love melted cheese!

Bowser: No! That's it, I cannot stand another minute around you Mario! I'm going away and never coming back!

Mario: That's-a the spirit Bowser! Now let's-a go!

Suddenly a rainbow road appeared when Mario waved his hand. Bowser stared in amazement as the rainbow grew longer in the direction in front of him.

Mario: All we have to do is follow the rainbow road to the Pie Kingdom!

Bowser: You are one crazy plumber!

Mario: And a stupid one! Now let's-a get going!

Mario and Bowser followed the rainbow road for about 5 minutes when Mario said:

Mario: Hey Bowser, I forgot I have to go to the bathroom!

Bowser: Are you serious? We've only been traveling for 5 minutes! Couldn't you have gone before we left?

Mario: It's not my fault, it's Oliver's!

Bowser: Who's Oliver?

Mario: My eggplant! Say hi to Oliver, Bowser!

Bowser: *grunt*

Mario: Wow, you are one rude turtle. Anyway, I guess I'll just go in the bushes over there.

Bowser: O_o

After Mario went, he and Bowser continued with their journey. Along the way, they spotted two of Bowser's kids, Lemmy and Iggy.

Bowser: Lemmy? Iggy? What are you two doing here?

Lemmy: We were bored King Dad, so we decided to go to the circus instead of wreaking havoc!

Iggy: You mean YOU decided…

Bowser: *Sigh* Lemmy, have I taught you nothing?

Lemmy: Yup.

Mario: Oh! Oh! Hey Lemmy! I know where there's a circus!

Lemmy: Where?

Mario: In the Pie Kingdom, where we're going!

Iggy: King Dad, is there really a Pie Kingdom?

Bowser: No, I'm going there against my will.

Mario: Hey! I know how we can get there faster! Let's-a use your Koopa Kopter Bowser!

Bowser: Whatever, as long as we can get this over with sooner.

Bowser snapped his fingers and the Koopa Kopter appeared.

Mario: Wow, are you like some kind of a magic turtle or something?

Bowser: Just shut up and get in the Kopter you stupid plumber.

Mario: That plumber BUTT to you!

Mario, Bowser, Lemmy and Iggy all crammed into the tiny Koopa Kopter.

Lemmy: Man King Dad, what have you been eating lately? We can barely all fit into this thing!

Mario: Oh sorry, that's-a actually me. I've been eating too much cheese lately and it all goes to my thighs!

Bowser: Yeah? Well thanks to you and your fat, we can barely move in this thing!

Mario: Well geese, just-a be glad I'm-a not Wario!

Lemmy: Will you two just shut up so we can get on with this?

Bowser: Oh, so NOW you're mean Lemmy!

Without replying, Lemmy started up the Koopa Kopter and teleported to the Pie Kingdom. Just as they got there, the Koopa Kopter crashed!

Mario: Oh no! We're-a going to die!

They soon landed on the ground.

Bowser: Is everyone alright? Well, other than Mario because he'll never be alright.

Lemmy: Yeah, I think so.

Mario: I guess we have to walk-a there now!

They walked for two minutes and then Bowser said:

Bowser: Man, I'm tired! Can we take a bre-

Mario: Tough luck for you, turtle!

Bowser: Fine! Lemmy! Iggy! Carry me!

Lemmy: What!?!

Iggy: But King Dad-

Bowser: No buts! I'm your father and you will do as I say! Plus you're a lot younger, so your bodies can handle it.

Lemmy and Iggy reluctantly carried their dad. They continued with their journey until they arrived at the castle.

Mario: Well, here-a we are!

Bowser: Let's get this over with.

The four walked into the castle. They went down many corridors until they found the room with the Pie Festival.

Mario: Mamma mia! It's-a the Pie King!

Pie King: Welcome to the Pie Kindgom friends!

The Pie King was a tall but fat looking toad person made of cheesecake.

Mario: CHEESECAKE! I love you!

Mario ran over and hugged the King.

PK: Um, is he alright?

Bowser: Yeah, that's pretty much the norm for him.

Mario: So King Pie, where is the free cheesecake?

Lemmy: Where's the circus?

Iggy: Where's the restroom?

Boswer: What's wrong with my mind?

PK: Well, you're cheesecake is right here, Mario.

Mario: CHEESECAKE!

Mario screamed like a little girl and then smushed his face into the cake.

PK: As for you son, the bathroom is down the hall across from the kitchen.

Iggy: See ya losers.

Lemmy: What about the circus?

PK: I'm sorry boy, but there's no circus here.

Lemmy: You liar Mario!

Mario: What? My watermelon Kasey was the one who told me about it! Say hi to Kasey, Lemmy!

Lemmy just glared in response.

PK: But don't fret about it! I heard there's a circus in the Cheese Kingdom!

Lemmy: Really? Awesome!

Mario overheard as he was busily eating every dessert on the table.

Mario: CHEESE KINGDOM! I-a never knew there was a CHEESE Kingdom!

PK: Yup, just beyond those hills.

Mario: Hey Bowser, guess-a where we're going!

Bowser: I think you're going to die real soon…

Mario: To the Cheese Kingdom!

Bowser: Uh, shouldn't we wait for Iggy?

Mario: Ah, screw him! Here-a we go!

Mario jumped into the Koopa Kopter with Lemmy and Bowser (reluctantly) following behind him. Just as they flew off, Iggy came out of the bathroom.

Iggy: Uh, guys? Where'd you go? Hello? Are you mad at me for calling you losers? Guys comeon! We can work this out! GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!

Flying at super sonic speed, the three arrived at the Cheese Kingdom in two seconds. Mario ran inside, stole all the cheese, and ran all the way back to the Mushroom Kingdom. Bowser dropped Lemmy off at the circus and went back the Pie Kingdom for Iggy. When Bowser returned for Lemmy, he didn't want to go with them, and Bowser went through the whole lecture process about Lemmy's life as Koopa, and not a circus clown, and Lemmy once again argued with his dad. Blah blah blah…

Anyway, the two eventually settled on an agreement that Lemmy could take over the Cheese Kingdom when he was older, and the three went home. As for Mario, he eventually found his way home in time for dinner with Luigi. Luigi saw the 50 pounds of cheese stuffed in Mario's pants and asked him:

Luigi: So Mario, how was your day?

Mario: Ah, the usual.

Luigi: I see…Oh and by the way, I called your therapist, and you have an appointment tomorrow to discuss your "issues".

Mario: Oh, that's cool, but I don't really think I have any issues. So Luigi, have you met my zucchini, Fred?

Luigi: O_o

The End


End file.
